Saturday, July 18, 2009

Getting Started

I am not sure what I am doing.... with my life, with this blog, with setting up this blog, but figured I had to move forward, somewhere, and this seemed like a good place to start.

I was just diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer - at age 54 and 7 months. It's in my liver and bone. I'm waiting to start treatment, and every day of waiting is a day of high anxiety. The insurance company has denied access to one of the drugs my oncologist wants to use, Avastin. I may be okay with this after reading about it on line.

How ironic, that I am actually looking forward to chemo therapy. This will be my third go 'round, and my last experience with adriamyacine was intense to say the least. What a nasty drug. So now on to a taxene. I'll lose my hair again and may lose the feeling in my fingers and toes.... but maybe it will extend my life by a few months - if I'm really lucky, a few years (I'm not complaining - I'll take it!).

Problem is my cancer is a triple negative. In breast cancer terms, this is a nasty form of cancer that is not responsive to many of the new drugs that have been very helpful to women with hormone receptive tumors. Maybe there is a clinical trial out there I can plug into - I'd be happy to be a guinea-pig if it would help find a treatment that would work on triple negatives.

So, I thought writing might help me cope. Maybe this way I can leave something behind for my daughter - and I was never able to keep a journal (I have lousy handwriting). Hopefully it will serve as a reminder that every day is a special one, and that I better not waste one minute of it feeling sorry for myself - or being angry.

This is life - this is a day in my life - and today was a very good one!

9 comments:

Barbara Gruenwald said...

Mary, I'm so pleased to see you are writing this blog. Your strength and love is an inspiration to all around you. I'd prefer to be reading your journals from sailing, but we'll work on getting back to that. Love to you, Barbara

jmcadams108 said...

Mary, You are an amazing woman and a treasured friend to so many. We'll surround you with prayers and love -- Jeanne

annod2 said...

I am so proud and inspired by your courage. You are my sister and my friend and I will be here for you always. I love you and thank you for all you do for our family.
Ann

Lisa said...

This is a wonderful idea--you need to focus on what's important and we need to know what that is. I think you'll find it isn't cancer, it's life. Thanks for letting us be a part of your process

marydcc said...

This is a wonderful way to express your feeling. Please know you are in our daily prayers.

Mary and Family

Ann said...

Mary, Thank you so much for creating this blog because as much as it may help you, it will also help friends like me who have so many questions but don't know how to ask.

Knowing you as I do, I understand you like to focus on the good stuff in life and you don't want to dwell on stories about your illness over and over. So I hope the blog is good for your peace of mind as well as a way to communicate with us, your family and friends.

As I have said before, I pray for you several times every day.

To my very dear friend with lots of luv, ann

Mary B said...

Ann:

Yes, one of the purposes of the blog is to communicate what is going on. It is tedious to talk about illness - and difficult - too in your (own) face. Writing about it makes it seem somehow removed. It is helping me deal - and hopfully my friends and family as well.

TheresaT said...

Dear Mary,
Keep writing and God bless you. You are in my
prayers.
Theresa

Anonymous said...

Dear Mary,
We are starting at the beginning of your blog so we can know your journey and meet you where you are today. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
Sylvia & Tom