Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Touchy Tuesday

My hair started to fall out this morning. I had asked the doctor when to expect it, and she just shook her head. When I started the adriamycin back in '05, they told me 14 days. My treatment was on the 23 of July, 12 days today. Thierry doesn't have the heart to shave my head, so we'll go tomorrow to my sister's after our visit to Fox Chase, and like the last time, she'll do the deed.

Admittedly, it dragged my mood down a bit. I knew it would happen. I just pray my eyebrows stay on – they did the last time. Actually, what bothered me most the last time was losing my eyelashes. Maybe this time I'll buy some false ones! They look pretty good today – very natural. I had little individual false ones on at Lauren's wedding. This time I'll go for the whole set. I pulled my wig out of the closet to find the back looks like it was singed?? Guess I'll have to get out quickly to find another. Maybe I'll find one with gray in it – or maybe I'll go red.

I consulted my oracle this morning and pulled three Runes – before my shower and mass of hair appeared in my hands. The instructions say you are to pose an issue, not ask a question. My issue was this: I have a difficult journey ahead (will I be able to deal with it). The Runes I pulled were similar to those I pulled before: life goes through cycles, one phase of life closes and another opens; when in deep water, become a diver (I think that is a good one); there are limitations we put on ourselves; now is the time to mend and restore myself; now is the time for regeneration – down to the cellular level. I am not sure how one goes about this internalizing and soul searching, but I am leaving myself open to whatever!

We had an appointment with the genetic testing people today. In 2005 I was tested for BRCA1 and BRCA2 (the breast/ovarian cancer genes that they had identified at that time). The results were negative. Apparently in recent years the test has been expanded to identify other areas in the DNA that increases the accuracy of the test from 90% to 98%. There are currently some Phase II drug trials in progress that target cancers that are BRCA1 receptive which have had very positive results. But the nurse was having difficulty drawing blood, so I suggested we have the blood drawn at the oncologist office when I go for my treatment next week. She readily agreed. Once tested – it will take about 3 weeks to get the results. My clock is ticking....

I have to evaluate whether I should continue with the Vitamin-C infusions. They take 4 hours. If I go twice a week, that is8 hours plus 8 when I go for chemo, or 16 hours a week spent inside, plugged into an IV. I am told that the Vit-C should give me more energy and help boost my immune system. I don't detect an increase in energy – and sometimes the infusions make me feel light-headed. The nurses tell me to graze (snack frequently) while I am being infused – which I did today. It helped a bit. I may continue until my cycle of chemo is completed and I am retested. I am still on the fence here.

The moon is beautiful this evening – 99% full! It is a pinkish color, and looks incredible against its deep bluish background.

This morining I was very blue and apprehensive. Today was not an easy day – but still a good one.


Barbara Gruenwald said...

Maybe you should skip the wig and buy a nice pair of earings instead. You are beautiful with or without hair!

ann mcn said...

I remember, in 2005, you were beautiful without hair, in part because of what's inside you that comes shining thru to all those around you.

JudyS said...

You are already a diver, Mary, and, to my way of thinking, an olympic diver. No one I know has approached whatever comes their way in more of a head-on, no-averting-their-eyes way than you have in your life. Not to say you don't prepare, but you don't flinch. I admire your instincts. As to the Vitamin C, my 2 cents (and I am not sitting there inside, which as you know is NOT my favorite location in any season) is that you may not see an increase in energy, but it may help you retain the level you have. Just a thought. Shame they can't infuse outside. I am not commenting much, but I am here, traveling with you. Much love.