Ups and Downs

This is Thierry. We had a few turbulent days. Thursday was supposed to be Mary’s third chemo day in this series. When her blood work came back it showed a low white blood cell count and for that reason she was not given the Taxol and Carboplatin chemo infusions. They did give her a dose of Avastin, and two shots to raise her red and white blood counts. She’s had all this before, except the Neupogen shot, which is supposed to increase white blood cell production.

Thursday afternoon Mary “volunteered” me to hang a cabinet in her sister Jean’s kitchen and then have dinner there, so off we went to Jean’s house in Havertown. On the way up Mary started to feel unwell, and when we arrived at Jean’s house she went almost straight to bed. While I was hanging the cabinet, what was supposed to be dinner for just the three of us, ended up dinner for ten. Lauren and Mike went out to buy more food. When they came back, Mary was feeling worse, and she had a temperature of 102F. We gave her two Tylenols and I called the doctor who told me to take her to the emergency room at Jefferson. Lauren, Mike and I took her there, where she was almost immediately put in quarantine. They don’t take risks when someone has a fever and has a low blood count. We all had to wash our hands every time we entered or left her room, and we had to wear facemasks. They gave her an IV with anti-biotics and after a little while Mary started to feel better, and her temperature was down. Initial testing did not show signs of infection, and she was put on the list to be moved to a regular hospital room, once one became available. Mike and Lauren left around 9:30 and I went home an hour later.

Friday morning I went back to the hospital and Lauren joined us later. More testing, doctors visits, but nothing was found that could explain the fever. The oncologist did not believe that it was a reaction to the Neupogen but was more likely the result of her low white blood cell count.. As all her tests were negative and her fever down, she was released at 2:00 PM. Later that afternoon she started to feel unwell again, and her temp went up a bit, but not as high as the day before. She took some more Tylenol and later in the evening her temp was down to normal levels again, but she had no energy. I did some research on Neupogen and several sites listed fever as a possible side-effect.

This morning, Saturday, did not start well. She has no energy at all and feels somewhat nauseous. So I fill-in as reporter of the events of the last few days. I hope she will be back soon.

Obituaries

I read obituaries. Have been for quite a few years now. It started when I was still working for my former employer and former board members and business associates started passing away. Then friends and parents of friends began passing; people of note in the City, all creating a reason to check the obits on a regular basis in order to stay on top of what was happening, just as you would the business section or the “around the town” section.

When I read the obituaries I tend to focus on the ages; Anna P, age 90; Robert Jr., age 52; Louis J., age 69. However, not all obits include ages. Sometimes you can extrapolate from the information included: Robert, beloved husband of 47 years; Wilma, beloved wife of 55 years; Jacqueline, survived by 16 grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren – Whew!

Some list illnesses, some talk of sudden or tragic circumstances. Some are simple; some elaborate on the life of the person – I guess if you're really special you get a separate billing at the end of the regular death notices. When our dear friend and former boss passed, the obit was a simple two/three line heartfelt statement written by his children.

Last year when I was diagnosed with another tumor I started to look at the obituaries differently. I began to focus on those that died in their 50's and 60's, with dread. Since my last diagnosis my view has changed yet again. I actually find comfort in reading about those who have died in their 50's. I should tell you that my mantra is 5-years with mets (metastatic disease), which I created after talking to a woman who is still alive 4-years after being diagnosed with liver metastases. I really am focusing on living... reading obits is just some weird habit I got into. I tell myself I shouldn't read them, but can't seem to stop.

Some of you may remember those old “motivational” training programs where you were asked to think about or write your obituary; this in an attempt to stimulate you into action. By thinking about what you wanted people to say about you when you are dead, you would be incented to make some significant changes in your life – like taking up volunteer work; getting to the head of your class; running for office.

I am wondering if I should write my own obituary or leave it to my loved ones. I am so controlling, I'll probably write my own.

Have you thought about your obituary and how you would like it to read? It's not too late to change it - to start having fun, to break out of old routines, to start giving back.

Today was a wonderful day - just because we were alive.

Red at Night, Sailor's Delight

This is Mary as a redhead – okay so it's auburn! I call it my Raquel Welch do – to be worn when I want to be sassy (how's that for a word), or a throw-back to the 70's. I am calling it Raquel because she has a line of wigs and this looks like one of them – although this is not one of hers. This one is pretty neat in that the top looks like your scalp, so the part looks very natural.

The weekend ended up on a good note. We took C-Minor out and our friends came along. We cruised along the Bristol waterfront, then docked at The Wharf restaurant in Burlington for lunch. Bristol looked like it might have some charm, but, unfortunately, there are no landings or marinas in Bristol where we could tie up. The Wharf restaurant, which is only open until Labor Day, leaves much to be desired. It is an okay place to stop for a beer, but the food was not very good. The Delaware has stretches here and there of residences (some beautiful, large Victorian homes) and some wilderness, but mostly it is an industrial river, flanked by distribution centers and abandoned piers and warehouses, and very few places to tie up and go ashore.

I have felt pretty good this weekend, although I have been getting headaches in the morning and then again in the late afternoon. I understand this is a side affect of the chemo – luckily Tylenol takes care of them. I also feel pressure on my right side, which causes me concern. I trust the headaches and pains are not related – but again, will grill the doctor on Thursday. The treatment I receive this week will be the last of this cycle. I get a week off, then start the cycle of three again. With a little luck the pains are a sign the cancer is shrinking!

We are going to take Curlew out next week – Thierry will go down to the boat early to get rid of the cobwebs, load water and turn on the fridge. We're both looking forward to getting out on the Bay and into the fresh air – hopefully the humidity will all be gone by then.

It's been a good day, and I bid you all a good night.

Old Gray Mare

This is my gray wig – for when I want to look conservative and mature – a bit prim perhaps – hopefully not too old. I just loved the fit. It feels good and actually looks pretty real. I have received two compliments from non-family members. One of whom thought it was my real hair and complimented me on my new do. So, I guess this do will do for a while!

It's been two days since my chemo treatment and I just got back from the gym, so I guess I am handling these treatments pretty well so far. I have noticed more of a chemical taste in my mouth, and I get occasional waves of nausea, but nothing constant. My weight is up, but I am concerned about my test results. My hemoglobin was down to 9.6. My white and red cell counts were also down, so they gave me a procrit shot to increase the red cell production. This should also help prevent fatigue. My blood pressure was especially low all week (80/50), so hopefully this will help. I see the doctor this Thursday so I will insist she go over all the blood test results with me. Everything changes each week, up or down a little and I don't have any idea what they mean. I don't want to focus on minor fluctuations, but I feel if I understand what is going on in my body I may be able to control it somehow....?

I am also pleased that my mood is good. Last Saturday I was an emotional wreck, so last night while lying in bed, I told myself that I would be in good frame of mind no matter how rotten I felt physically. Fortunately, I don't feel bad physically and my mood is good – maybe the pre-work helped. I find that I wear a very thin veneer these days, and if something little scratches the surface a very ugly and evil creature is revealed.

I haven't written every day because, well, for one, we've been pretty busy and two, I don't want to drone on about insignificant things and events. Friday we shopped in the morning and went to the PA Academy of Fine Arts in the afternoon. They had an exhibit of Hudson River artists – which was okay, but what we both found really interesting and enjoyable was the Elizabeth Osborne exhibit. She is a Philadelphia based artist, born in 1936, and is a PAFA faculty member. Her “birth” father, Paul Philipe Cret designed the master plan for the Benjamin Franklin Bridge. Her studio is on Front Street (not far from our home), and several of the paintings in the exhibit include depictions of the bridge. There were several that I thought would look nice in our condo. For all you locals, I highly recommend seeing this. I should be ashamed to admit that this was the first time Thierry and I had visited the new exhibit hall at the Academy, a beautiful contemporary design.

We later had dinner with neighbors. Today I had healing touch, lunch with Lauren at Mom and Dad's house, then the gym. Later we'll have dinner with our friends – we're trying Bindi, a modern Indian byob – I've been wanting to go there for a year now so hopefully it will be worth the wait.

It's been a good weekend, and we hope that trend will continue. You have a wonderful weekend as well!

It's Not About the Chemo

Yesterday was a great hair day! Actually, it was a good one all around.

It started out a bit shaky, however. We left at 9:00 to go to Jersey to a wig place recommended by my hairdresser – you remember, the one who ruined my wig! We got there about 10 minutes early – I had a 9:30 appointment. I became concerned when I walked to the store front and noticed that one of the three large flower pots that were gracing the display windows was lying on its side (Thierry optimistically opined that it was probably due to the storms from the previous night). The store was closed (I thought it opened at 9:00) and they had a few wigs in the window. I peered inside and it appeared that the wigs in the window were the only ones they had, visible anyway. I got a very bad feeling...

We went back in the car giving Thierry an opportunity to test out the new wireless broadband card we purchased last week for the net-book – worked like a charm! At 9:30 I went back to the store. The door opened this time and I walked in. No one was there – there was an open shop area to the left, a narrow hallway to the right which looked as though it terminated into an office. I told Thierry to come into the store, and then explored a bit. I found that beyond the office was another hallway which opened into a larger room with 3 smaller rooms off to the sides. One was occupied with a woman and a man who was having his toupee shampooed – he was leaning back in a chair with his head in a sink, talking non-stop while she was shaking out the toupee. I tried making some noises, but no one noticed.

I walked back to the shop/display area and we looked around. The place had a bad smell, was dirty and dingy. The wigs looked old and all but two were blond. There were a few wigs in a box, but they weren't much better. After browsing for about five minutes I said to Thierry, let's get out of here! We got back into the car and we pulled open the computer so I could find the information for a wig place I had previously found on the Internet in Collegeville, Russell Lauren & Co. – actually very close to where Lauren is living. They have a very nice website by the way. I called and was able to get an appointment for 3:15 that afternoon.

We then made our way up the Morris Arboretum in Chestnut Hill, PA. Neither of us had been there before. What a treat! Again I am amazed at how much our City has to offer – in art, in music, in beauty. In addition to the overall aesthetics of the Arboretum, we thoroughly enjoyed their newest exhibit, the Tree Adventure. This exhibit which puts you up into the trees is very interesting architecturally – made of metal, rope and wood, the structure winds through the trees, and even has a large bird's nest made of twigs in one corner. If you haven't been to the Morris Arboretum, you must put this on your sites to see in Philadelphia list.

When we finished touring the Arboretum, we had lunch on the “Hill”, then left for Collegeville. Salvatore, the owner, took great care of us at the salon. He lost his wife a year go to ovarian cancer. I tried on about eight and walked out with two – both very different. We laughed a lot as I tried on the different styles and colors. This is a full style salon that also does hair replacement. Sal is an expert in styling the wigs. Since I have a petite crown, he had to cut and re-sew the two I picked out to fit better. Tomorrow I'll post pictures. I felt a lot better when I left – and I think Thierry is having some fun getting used to the “new” woman he has on his arm!

We went to Jean's for healing touch, had dinner – a big dinner with egg parm, spaghetti and meatballs at Primavera in Ardmore, showed off the 'dos at Mom and Dad's, and got home around 10:00.

It was a long day – but an excellent one!

Got to Get Moving

Thierry and I are currently discussing one of the not so nice side effects of chemo. I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say I need to add fiber to my diet.

Actually the last two days haven't been bad at all. Other than feeling tired and a little uncomfortable after stuffing myself before and during dinner(s), I've felt pretty good. Went for my Vitamin C infusion today. Decided that I will only have this once a week. These take 8 hours out of my week, and Thierry and I need to start doing stuff; like going to the Morris Arboretum to see the Out on a Limb Tree Adventure, or the Hudson School Exhibit at PAFA. When we were in London last year we visited Kew Gardens and they were building a tree-top exhibit – so it would be fun to see the one in Philadelphia. Actually I've never been to the Morris Arboretum – time to get moving!

We had a quiet dinner at mom's last night. Lauren made a wonderful fish recipe she found in Cook's Magazine. We picked up some Turbot, sliced up zucchini (that was the bottom layer), added the fish, chopped up tomatoes (the top layer), veggies had been tossed in olive oil, basil and I think oregano. The whole thing is baked in foil – it was wonderful. Today my friend Ann came over and made dinner for Thierry and me – a very healthful and delicious meal.

The conversation covered many topics, from healthcare to gun toting citizens. At one point they were discussing whether it is a better idea to take social security early, at normal retirement age, or later. I find myself quiet these days when subjects like this come up. I used to worry about outliving my savings, but something tells me I won't have to worry about this. I have made up my mind to think of ways to spend some of that money. Maybe a trip to Italy – albeit only a week (at a time) rather than for a month; a visit to Holland; to San Francisco to see Barbara and the boys; a weekend in New York – at a really nice hotel! Another trip to upstate NY with Lauren at our favorite Inn. Maybe another trip to Paris – with Thierry this time – I love Paris.

Yesterday and today were good days – I hope there are a lot more!

Sour Saturday

Today was a very bad hair day. It began when I took my shower and the little nubs remaining from my shave fell out. For a while it looked like it was growing a bit. Yes, I knew it would eventually all fall out, so I really don't know why it bothered me.

I took a good long look at my face and head in the mirror after my shower. Without your crowning glory it is hard not to notice things – like big ears – dark circles around your eyes – just how big (and droopy) your eyes are. You notice how your nose looks. Do men think about these things or is it just women who lose their hair that obsess?

For years I never really looked at myself in the mirror. When I was a kid, my mother used to have my hair cut in a very dorky, short haircut – with bangs that just barely hit my forehead. I was called bird by my mean older siblings. I always hated that haircut – but have to admit that I hated the nickname even more.

As I grew, my nose also grew. Falling at the playground and smashing my nose didn't help. It was a true Tiny Tim schnoz. I grew my hair and let it go curly and hid behind my mane. I never looked at my profile in the mirror. All through high school I had a mouthful of braces. Big hair, big nose, heavy metal. When I did look at myself I envisioned someone else.

My opinion about my looks changed dramatically when I had my nose job at age 27. I had a beautiful daughter, a good nose – and I had lost a lot of weight – I rocked. For most of my 30's, 40's and 50's I have been happy with the way I've looked, hair included.

I took the wigs to my hairdresser today – the one I wasn't crazy about – is even worse. The other is okay. We got the name of a good wig man – we'll go this week. I'll splurge for a good one – a real hair one.

As you may have guessed, I'm feeling droopy today. Not sick like the last time, just a bit down. Yesterday was actually a very good day. Friends came to visit and we had a nice lunch at Darlings in the Piazza in Northern Liberties. Thierry and I went to the gym and worked out a bit, then met up with Lauren and Mike at Yang Ming for dinner. We went to the movies where we met up with Jean and Mariela and saw Julia & Julie – which we thoroughly enjoyed. Meryl Streep is once again, amazing. Afterward we went to the Grog for drinks (I sipping my club and lime). Got home very late.... 11:00, then off to bed. It's fun going out with your adult child – we always have a good time!

Tonight we'll catch up on past episodes of Mad Men – tomorrow starts the new season.

Yesterday was a really good day – today is getting better.