Something to Laugh About

It's amazing how quickly one's mood can go from happy and lighthearted to grumpy and agitated. I woke this morning feeling down and trapped. I assume it is the thought of 3 hours of Vitamin C this morning and 8 hours tomorrow at the oncologist that has something to do with it. However, I also noticed that I feel somewhat stuck. It's hard to make plans to go anywhere, and I find it depressing just staying in the condo. As much as I love it, the walls are beginning to close in.

Lauren and I did make plans to go away Columbus weekend. We're going to Denver with my friend Barbara from SF and Ann from PA. Thierry and I will most certainly take Curlew out again, and at some point, will get up to NYC. Its just that in the back of my mind is always a question of how I'll be feeling. I guess this is what you have to learn to live with when you depend on chemo for your survival.

I was flipping through a book that a friend gave me by Robert Schimmel, a story of how humor got him through his non-hodgkins lymphoma treatments. I generally avoid books about cancer and cancer survivors – they tend to depress me. I did read Lance Armstrong's book, “It's not about the Bike”, which I did enjoy, but for the most part, I really don't want to know what others have gone through, who lived and who didn't, etc. I felt very bad and unappreciative when my friend gave me a book of stories by various cancer sufferers/survivors. Intuitively she asked me if it would be something I would enjoy. Since she asked I was able to express my feelings to her.

At any rate, I read his list of lessons learned. One of the items on his list was to have a sense of humor, no matter what. I think about this often, especially when I am curled up on the sofa with my face smushed in the pillow feeling like a zombie. My sister told me that when she was going through her treatments years ago, she tried to maintain a sense of humor and looked up the joke of the day – I think on the Internet.

I used to think I had a sense of humor – but somewhere along the way lost it? Maybe I just imagined I had one, because I remember a dream from years ago – during a stressful time, when my neighbor/friend/former boss Edith LaRosa, long ago deceased, talked to me in a dream. I remember the dream vividly and won't go into the details, but she told me to stop taking everything so seriously. She said I was always too serious. I was one of those people who thought about everything to the point of overkill, often taking people's remarks personally. During my working days I would dwell on my mistakes and spend countless hours rehashing conversations and wondering if I said the right thing.

My gmail address is iwanaberma, for Erma Bombeck. Remember her? She used to write a column in the Philadelphia Inquirer (possibly nationally published). She passed away many years ago. I always wanted to be able to look at life as she did, noticing the ironies in things people said, in words, in everyday life, and writing about them in a way that always brought a smile or a chuckle.

So, how does one go about acquiring a sense of humor? Do you subscribe to joke of the day? Watch the Comedy Channel? Does it require that you listen more, question more, observe more – and think a lot less? How do you (my reader) maintain a sense of humor?

Today I will try to find things to laugh about – and turn this day into a good one.