Changing Up

It's Tuesday night and I have finally had enough to drink to put me in the mood to write. I guess that is an awful thing to say, "had enough to drink". Especially for a person who has tumors growing in their liver. But, so be it. Actually, I haven't felt really well enough in the last week to drink, so I guess this is a good thing?

I have been somewhat depressed - maybe because I feel the suckers pushing up against my rib cage, or maybe because I feel a bit more nauseus with this chemo - or maybe just because the weather is so f..ing miserable - or maybe a combination of all of the above. It is hard to stay positive when you feel shitty. All you think about is: "is this what dying feels like?"

Wow, I really don't like to write when I feel negative; but, oh well, this is how I feel, so I will share. You, my dear readers, may feel obliged to ignore this posting; and, that is ok!

The treatment went okay. Thierry and I thought we would be in and out of the infusion center quickly since the chemo is delivered in a syringe. Well, we were mistaken. We spent about five hours at the center between visiting with the doctor, blood tests and drug delivery. Hopefully this Thursday will be a breeze: no doctor, no zometa (the bone drug). By a breeze I mean two hours. We'll see.

The drug doesn't seem to drag me out as much as the other regime. Today I actually went to the gym and felt like I was pumping more than other days. I did take a nap this afternoon, but feel good now (at 9:30 pm). I do have to say, tho, that my stomach doesn't always feel so good - and yet again, my tastes have changed - meaning that I have to again find new foods that I feel like eating. Can you imagine what it feels like to have to cook or prepare a meal when you have a) no appetite or b) can't think of anything you "desire" eating?! For one who has always loved to eat, this is a travisty - and a major chore.

Well, let's talk about good things that happened this week. We finally got our FIOS installed. For those of you who don't know FIOS, this is an internet/cable/phone service provider. It is such a big deal because after finally deciding to consolidate all of our services, it took us several phone calls and internet sign-up attempts to get the order placed. Then, after we got it placed, the order was somehow cancelled by the provider - go figure. You would think that they wanted the busines so much they would jump on this opportunity for a customer.

The one thing about Verizon that amazes me is when you ask them a question the first response is always, "we can't do that." In this instance it pertained to my phone number which I have had for many years. I had to switch to Vonage to keep the number when I moved in 2004 which Verizon couldn't transfer from one part of town to the other (the same town mind you). In this age, where you are suppposed to be able to take your number with you, they still refused to give me the same number. Thierry handled the transaction (I didn't try to fight or get involved) - during which he was told "the number is not available." Of course not, I had it!!! Anyway, they assigned us a new number when we placed our order. So, being concerned about connectivity, I started to distribute the new number. But, when Verizon cancelled the order and we rescheduled, they gave us yet a new number. After almost an hour on the phone and 4 reps into the process, I was able to keep the number originally assigned and disseminated. Amazing, that a supposedly technologically advanced company like Verizon is so inept at processing such a simple request. To boot, they get indignant when you complain. The installation actually went okay and they even called the next day to see if everything was ok.

Two very nice things that happened this week: Lauren asked me to be at her March doctor's visit to see the ultrasound. I can't wait! And, my oldest and dearest friend, Barbara, is coming to visit from San Fran - at the same time as the doctor's visit. Barbara is Lauren's godmother - so it should be a joyous time:)

I have an appointment with a doctor at the Hospital at the University of PA on Monday to get an opinion on my treatment and to see what, if anything, is out there that I don't know about.

I am reading Franzen's book, FREEDOM, which I am struggling with. I have yet to find an Oprah pick that I like. Don't know why I thought this would be different. And for those of you who give a hoot, I love my Kindle. I know there are a lot of people who believe in paper - and I do believe they have their benefits and place, but the Kindle is really a convenient little gadget.

Here's hoping for an early Spring!