Battling Cancer

A friend sent me a link to an article written by a guy who recently went through chemo and radiation for prostate cancer. His article discussed phrases that are used to describe one's journey with cancer, in particular, about battling cancer. You’ve seen them or heard them, terms used when someone passes, the obits that begin “So and So died after a long battle with cancer;” or “So and So died after a long, hard fight with cancer.”

For some time I have thought about my obit and how I did NOT want it to make any reference to a fight or battle with cancer.  I agree with this author, you don’t fight cancer; you learn to live with it.  When you are first diagnosed and you recover from having the floor drop from under you, you make a choice.  You’ll choose to deal with the disease, its treatments and the outcome and make the best of things, or you’ll choose to go through the treatments, etc., feeling sorry for yourself and bemoaning your circumstances for the rest of you life – no matter how limited that may be.

You look in the mirror each morning and try to focus on your face, not on the lack of hair on your head.  You learn how to draw on your eyebrows and complement yourself on your artistic ability, and make a commitment to looking your best each day no matter how lousy you feel.  And on those lousy days you tell yourself to keep moving, go to the gym, walk to the store, find something in the house to do so you’re not curled up on the sofa, and you try to focus on positive thoughts instead of the death scenarios.  The trips to the infusion center become part of your routine – like going to the office – and you tell yourself you are going there to kill cancer cells and buy yourself some time.  You look for ways to lessen the side effects of the treatments and you try not to complain too much and drag everyone down around you. You don't think about the travelling you can't do (like back to the Bahamas on Curlew), and figure out how you can fit in a long weekend in NY or to the West Coast, and how you can skip a treatment to take two weeks to go to Italy or maybe Maine in the summer.

There are also those people that say cancer is a blessing.  I certainly don’t buy that one!  Although I still don’t really know how much time I have (the proverbial bus could be on its way up Arch Street), I do know my time is very limited.  So having the disease does put a new urgency on truly living each day and spending time with all those close to me. But I do not feel lucky or have a sense that any spiritual deity has done me a favor.

I have generally (on good days) accepted that cancer is part of my life; that I have to live and deal with it.  And yes, I have instructed Thierry to make sure that in my obituary, words like struggle and battle are not to be used. Maybe he could say “she loved life, family, friends and food.” Mmmm, maybe I should work on this!?

On Tuesday I had my first acupuncture treatment.  It went fine I guess.  Today is my second, almost right after my chemo treatment.  We’ll see how it goes.  I spoke to the Doctor about getting a Tens-unit for my feet – she said she hasn’t heard that it is helpful for neuropathy. She suggested exercise and walking, which I am doing.

It has been a great week!  Now we’ll get ready for Easter dinner at Lauren’s.  It promises to be quite a feast – with 35+ people and kids.  I’ll be sure to post pictures – the food is going to be incredible.