Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Other Side of the Story

In my last blog I wrote about dating after the loss of a spouse. Well, there is another side to that story; that of the dying spouse and how s/he feels about the whole thing.

In his last days, Doug never spoke about dying, nor did he speak about his life to that point, or our lives together, or what might occur after his death – with the exception of his burial. I could start talking about my life before and with Thierry now – to anyone (including Thierry) who would like to listen. The ups, downs, things I should have done better, could have done, etc. But then, what is the point? Is this a woman thing; the need to talk about your relationship on your deathbed?

As I sit here on my sofa in the living room I look around and see all of the things Thierry and I put together to create our home. When we made the decision to buy our condo, we also decided to rid ourselves of all our furniture and start fresh. Everything in here, with the exception of a few pieces of furniture and kitchenware (and bookshelves) is new, and we selected them together. We’ve roamed the streets of Rockland, Beufort and Philadelphia collecting artwork. We picked out our dishes and flatware, and carefully add pieces to our collections as we go along.

My sincere wish is that Thierry not spend the rest of his life alone. He is a wonderful companion, self-sufficient, interesting and smart. He is respectful and not the least bit condescending. He is neat, clean and never leaves toothpaste in the sink. (He can use this in his ad someday when posting on a dating site!)

Even though I know that he may likely find another mate, emotionally I have difficulty with the idea that someone will come into the home we’ve created and either settle in or start anew. Actually, I am okay if they start over – new condo, new everything (well, almost everything). Oh, alright, they can keep the condo – new everything else. I am sure whoever comes in here would want to do that anyway.

Fact is I won’t be worrying about any of this at that point. And the things I am talking about are just that – things. If it all went up in smoke tomorrow, there really isn’t too much I will cry over. So, instead of thinking about Thierry after Mary, I’ll concentrate on Thierry with Mary, and try to make our time together fun and memorable!

Yesterday we celebrated Mom and Dad’s 90th birthday. We had a catered affair at Lauren and Mike’s house. About 40 people came including Dad’s brother (and only surviving sibling) and his wife, cousins and their friends and neighbors. They both looked really well and happy. We are so fortunate to still have our parents with us.

Thierry is finally home – I picked him up on Thursday. The weather has been wonderful. It’s been a good week.

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