Something to Laugh About

It's amazing how quickly one's mood can go from happy and lighthearted to grumpy and agitated. I woke this morning feeling down and trapped. I assume it is the thought of 3 hours of Vitamin C this morning and 8 hours tomorrow at the oncologist that has something to do with it. However, I also noticed that I feel somewhat stuck. It's hard to make plans to go anywhere, and I find it depressing just staying in the condo. As much as I love it, the walls are beginning to close in.

Lauren and I did make plans to go away Columbus weekend. We're going to Denver with my friend Barbara from SF and Ann from PA. Thierry and I will most certainly take Curlew out again, and at some point, will get up to NYC. Its just that in the back of my mind is always a question of how I'll be feeling. I guess this is what you have to learn to live with when you depend on chemo for your survival.

I was flipping through a book that a friend gave me by Robert Schimmel, a story of how humor got him through his non-hodgkins lymphoma treatments. I generally avoid books about cancer and cancer survivors – they tend to depress me. I did read Lance Armstrong's book, “It's not about the Bike”, which I did enjoy, but for the most part, I really don't want to know what others have gone through, who lived and who didn't, etc. I felt very bad and unappreciative when my friend gave me a book of stories by various cancer sufferers/survivors. Intuitively she asked me if it would be something I would enjoy. Since she asked I was able to express my feelings to her.

At any rate, I read his list of lessons learned. One of the items on his list was to have a sense of humor, no matter what. I think about this often, especially when I am curled up on the sofa with my face smushed in the pillow feeling like a zombie. My sister told me that when she was going through her treatments years ago, she tried to maintain a sense of humor and looked up the joke of the day – I think on the Internet.

I used to think I had a sense of humor – but somewhere along the way lost it? Maybe I just imagined I had one, because I remember a dream from years ago – during a stressful time, when my neighbor/friend/former boss Edith LaRosa, long ago deceased, talked to me in a dream. I remember the dream vividly and won't go into the details, but she told me to stop taking everything so seriously. She said I was always too serious. I was one of those people who thought about everything to the point of overkill, often taking people's remarks personally. During my working days I would dwell on my mistakes and spend countless hours rehashing conversations and wondering if I said the right thing.

My gmail address is iwanaberma, for Erma Bombeck. Remember her? She used to write a column in the Philadelphia Inquirer (possibly nationally published). She passed away many years ago. I always wanted to be able to look at life as she did, noticing the ironies in things people said, in words, in everyday life, and writing about them in a way that always brought a smile or a chuckle.

So, how does one go about acquiring a sense of humor? Do you subscribe to joke of the day? Watch the Comedy Channel? Does it require that you listen more, question more, observe more – and think a lot less? How do you (my reader) maintain a sense of humor?

Today I will try to find things to laugh about – and turn this day into a good one.

A Not Very Laborious Labor Day

We are in our fourth and final anchorage before we return to Baltimore tomorrow. We have been extremely fortunate to have had three beautiful sailing days, and five days of great weather, relaxation, good food, good friends and much laughter.

When we left Baltimore we sailed to the eastern shore of the Chesapeake to Swan Creek, near Rock Hall. On Friday we had a nice sail up the Chester River, to the Corsica River, to anchor in a relatively quiet anchorage. We rafted up with our friends Lisa and Kirk. Thierry had brought along the sailing dinghy, and it didn't take him long to get her into the water and take her for a sail. On Saturday we left the anchorage and motored down the Chester to an anchorage near Queenstown. I understand there really isn't much of a town in Queenstown, but there is a nice anchorage. There we met up with two other couples and we all rafted together. It was great fun – to see folks we haven't seen in a while and to just talk and laugh. We celebrated Kirk's birthday with a wonderful carrot cake made by Lisa.

One of our party left on Sunday and three of us remained. Kirk donned a wet suit and tank and went into the water and checked the bottom of all of our boats – cleaning off barnacles that had attached themselves to our prop. Thierry noticed a big difference today when we left the Chester River to head back to the eastern shore. By evening, our somewhat quiet anchorage became quite crowded with both sailors and power-boaters. I think we made enough noise to drown out whatever sounds were coming from the others around us.

We are currently at an anchorage about two hours from Baltimore (our home port), after a great sail across the Bay – we were sailing at a speed over 7 knots. On our trip down the Chester River and out to the Bay we joined what looked like hundreds of sailboats on their way to (I assume) their respective home ports. It was quite a site.

We picked up some crabs from a couple of fellows selling steamed crabs from their skiff last night. We'll eat them tonight along with left over pasta. Although it is cloudy outside and there is a threat of rain, it is still comfortable and we are savoring our last evening aboard.

Since we've come south, I finished one book, read two (albeit somewhat short) and am almost finished a third. The one I finished, “Casa Rossa” by Francesca Marciano was a story about three generations of women who spent a portion of their life at a farmhouse (Casa Rossa) in Puglia, and the events (men) that shaped their lives. I really enjoyed this book. There are frequent references to food, with many of the key ingredients (not recipes per se) in Italian. So, I'll have to take the book home and ask Dad what they are talking about. The book makes me want to go to Italy – and to try some new pasta dishes! Because of the book I bought a magazine, Cucina Italiana, that I have never seen before hoping to get inspired... it was only okay.

Lisa loaned me a book, “The Madonnas of Leningrad”, which was wonderful. This book took you from past to present, in the memories of a woman who suffers from Alzheimer's. Her past memories take her back to Leningrad in the winter of 1941, when the city was under siege by the Germans. Some 2000 people lived in the basement of the Hermitage during that winter, where our main character resided. She had worked as a docent in the museum before the war, and during her stay, she memorized the original placement of the artwork that was removed to protect it from damage or theft.

I also read Iain Pears' “The Bernini Bust,” a detective story that brings an art dealer to Los Angeles where two murders occur relating to some stolen artwork from Italy, which required the assistance of a female detective from Rome who solves the case along with her art dealer boyfriend. An okay, easy read. I am now almost finished reading “Bel Canto” by Ann Patchett. I believe this was one of the books selected by our reading group when we were away. This is about a group of people, including a famous opera singer, who are held captive by a group of South American militants. I a,m enjoying the book so far, being about 2/3 the way through.

So, as you can tell, we've been getting lots of R&R. Water, sun, friends, wind, music, laughter, a good book, and an amazing Skipper; what more could one ask for! It's been a great couple of days!

Back on Board

We did it! Arrived in Baltimore around 12:30, just the right time to go to Mama's on the Half Shell for lunch. Curlew looks beautiful, albeit a bit dirty on the outside from the weather and sitting in the slip. Thierry has a spring in his step that I haven't seen in a while. Even the moon will be full for us when we take Curlew out for a few days on the Bay. We picked up wine and beer, will get food on board tomorrow (you see we have our priorities straight), and hope to head out by noon. We'll join friends in Swan Creek (Rock Hall area) that evening then see where the wind takes us. During the weekend, we hope to raft up with two other boats - it should be a fun time.

This morning I went for another Neupogen shot (to build the white blood cells). It was a good thing I telephoned the oncologist office yesterday to ask if a) they got the results of my blood work and b) if I needed to come in. When I later spoke with the PA she did confirm that running a fever is a side effect of the drug. So, I have been popping Tylenol all day - so far (at 9:55 p.m.) I am still feeling pretty good, and report a normal temperature. I also learned that three shots of Neupogen is a standard regimen.

My wonderful neighbors, Barbara and Doris, both brought over care packages on Monday. Barbara makes the most incredible chicken soup which will feed us for a couple of days. Doris made egg parm (one of my favorites) and included some fresh veggies. All this after my sister and our friend Joan brought dinner (and my parents) over on Sunday. The Sunday dinner at mom's came to our house. Lauren and Mike pitched in - it was great to have everyone around.

Well, Thierry is hoping that the boat isn't too fouled with barnacles and the prop isn't too clogged up so we can get the boat out of the slip tomorrow. I'm off to get a good night's rest and am looking forward to a great couple of days. I hope you all enjoy as well.

The Summer Palace

Quickly I will write about the Summer Palace, the name of the picture attached (see the Mary Bird posting below). A real update should follow tomorrow night from Baltimore! :)

We received a package from the Morris Arboretum today. The cover featured a full picture of the Summer Palace and provided the following information about the structure and its creator.

The sculpture was designed and built by Patrick Doughtery and features an onion dome associated with Russian and Byzantine artchitecture. It was named The Summer Palace upon its completion because it reminded him of Dr. Zhivago.

The sculpture is over 25' high and is made of locally-gathered twigs and saplings, mostly willow, dogwood, maple and birch. His inspiration came from a snail shell he found in his yard in North Carolina. There were no nails or other supportive hardware used.

If you'd like to learn more about the Summer Palace or the Arboretum, visit www.morrisarboretum.org.

Mary Bird

I figured since you all got the rotten report, I'd open with a picture Thierry took at the Arboretum sans topper. There was a twig structure on the property that actually resembled a hat or a wig. I have no idea what it was supposed to be, but we both thought it would be funny if I jumped in and he took a picture of me inside. I think it looks like a little bald eagle inside a nest. As it goes, we did not bring a camera and only had Thierry's cell phone, which does not have a very high resolution camera. Anyway, I thought it was a funny picture.

Today I am feeling a bit better, but still dragging. A rash broke out around my abdomen. I am sure this is a side affect of the Avastin. This also happened after my first treatment. I am concerned that I will be unable to handle these treatments. Staying positive is my current challenge.

The day I learned that my blood levels were so low and that things took a dive, Thierry, Lauren and I were walking down the street and ran into someone we knew. The person who is somewhat overweight, and sweaty on a somewhat hot and humid afternoon, reached out to take my hand and planted a kiss on my cheek. On our way to the emergency room, this memory cropped back into my head and I muttered in the car that this was the cause of the spike in my temperature. Of course, this had nothing to do with it – but I am suddenly very conscious of every hand shake.

Since Lauren's wedding I have become very aware of the fact that many people, regardless of how well you know them, want to give you a kiss – not the European air-kiss kind – but a real one on the cheek. Then there are those (usually gentlemen) who want to give you a kiss on the mouth (eeuuu)! When the nurse warned me that I should be careful, even tho I wasn't at the point where I needed to wear a face mask, this was the first thing that I thought of – and with some relief because now I had an excuse to be avoid the kiss. This memory lasted as long as it took for me to leave the infusion center, have lunch and walk a block down the street.

This all reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry is annoyed at the fact that a woman keeps wanting to kiss him every time she sees him. He then notices how everyone in his building does the same thing – so he goes out of his way to avoid it – only to become an outcast for his unsocial behavior. I plan on working on the no-kiss, selective hand-shake rule – so if I appear stand-offish – I hope you understand.

I am looking forward to a much better week. We didn't make it to the boat yet, but still plan to get there!

Ups and Downs

This is Thierry. We had a few turbulent days. Thursday was supposed to be Mary’s third chemo day in this series. When her blood work came back it showed a low white blood cell count and for that reason she was not given the Taxol and Carboplatin chemo infusions. They did give her a dose of Avastin, and two shots to raise her red and white blood counts. She’s had all this before, except the Neupogen shot, which is supposed to increase white blood cell production.

Thursday afternoon Mary “volunteered” me to hang a cabinet in her sister Jean’s kitchen and then have dinner there, so off we went to Jean’s house in Havertown. On the way up Mary started to feel unwell, and when we arrived at Jean’s house she went almost straight to bed. While I was hanging the cabinet, what was supposed to be dinner for just the three of us, ended up dinner for ten. Lauren and Mike went out to buy more food. When they came back, Mary was feeling worse, and she had a temperature of 102F. We gave her two Tylenols and I called the doctor who told me to take her to the emergency room at Jefferson. Lauren, Mike and I took her there, where she was almost immediately put in quarantine. They don’t take risks when someone has a fever and has a low blood count. We all had to wash our hands every time we entered or left her room, and we had to wear facemasks. They gave her an IV with anti-biotics and after a little while Mary started to feel better, and her temperature was down. Initial testing did not show signs of infection, and she was put on the list to be moved to a regular hospital room, once one became available. Mike and Lauren left around 9:30 and I went home an hour later.

Friday morning I went back to the hospital and Lauren joined us later. More testing, doctors visits, but nothing was found that could explain the fever. The oncologist did not believe that it was a reaction to the Neupogen but was more likely the result of her low white blood cell count.. As all her tests were negative and her fever down, she was released at 2:00 PM. Later that afternoon she started to feel unwell again, and her temp went up a bit, but not as high as the day before. She took some more Tylenol and later in the evening her temp was down to normal levels again, but she had no energy. I did some research on Neupogen and several sites listed fever as a possible side-effect.

This morning, Saturday, did not start well. She has no energy at all and feels somewhat nauseous. So I fill-in as reporter of the events of the last few days. I hope she will be back soon.

Obituaries

I read obituaries. Have been for quite a few years now. It started when I was still working for my former employer and former board members and business associates started passing away. Then friends and parents of friends began passing; people of note in the City, all creating a reason to check the obits on a regular basis in order to stay on top of what was happening, just as you would the business section or the “around the town” section.

When I read the obituaries I tend to focus on the ages; Anna P, age 90; Robert Jr., age 52; Louis J., age 69. However, not all obits include ages. Sometimes you can extrapolate from the information included: Robert, beloved husband of 47 years; Wilma, beloved wife of 55 years; Jacqueline, survived by 16 grandchildren and 10 great grandchildren – Whew!

Some list illnesses, some talk of sudden or tragic circumstances. Some are simple; some elaborate on the life of the person – I guess if you're really special you get a separate billing at the end of the regular death notices. When our dear friend and former boss passed, the obit was a simple two/three line heartfelt statement written by his children.

Last year when I was diagnosed with another tumor I started to look at the obituaries differently. I began to focus on those that died in their 50's and 60's, with dread. Since my last diagnosis my view has changed yet again. I actually find comfort in reading about those who have died in their 50's. I should tell you that my mantra is 5-years with mets (metastatic disease), which I created after talking to a woman who is still alive 4-years after being diagnosed with liver metastases. I really am focusing on living... reading obits is just some weird habit I got into. I tell myself I shouldn't read them, but can't seem to stop.

Some of you may remember those old “motivational” training programs where you were asked to think about or write your obituary; this in an attempt to stimulate you into action. By thinking about what you wanted people to say about you when you are dead, you would be incented to make some significant changes in your life – like taking up volunteer work; getting to the head of your class; running for office.

I am wondering if I should write my own obituary or leave it to my loved ones. I am so controlling, I'll probably write my own.

Have you thought about your obituary and how you would like it to read? It's not too late to change it - to start having fun, to break out of old routines, to start giving back.

Today was a wonderful day - just because we were alive.