tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post2953744368738878919..comments2023-06-26T05:37:28.652-04:00Comments on A Day in Mary's Life: When the Children Become Responsible for Their ParentsMary Bhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00893528438983997104noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-62462437081361728302010-07-18T15:29:51.573-04:002010-07-18T15:29:51.573-04:00From my cousin, RI:
I am nowhere near 90..If I mak...From my cousin, RI:<br />I am nowhere near 90..If I make it until 4/11/2011, I will however, hit 80.<br />Right now, no problem caring for myself.<br />While caring for Erlene I accepted that caring for oneself won't last forever and reconciled with the fact that in the furture, my lifestyle will change.<br />Most of the family knows that a year after she passed, I sold my house to one of my grandsons.<br />Too big. Too much yardwork..Unnecessary expense.<br />I now live in Greensburg, four rooms,two story, 40X80 foot lot on which sit a house,a garage and a tool shed. Low taxes and insurance. Low maintenance costs.<br />Convenient to everything I need, I am surrounded my cousins and former classmates.<br />To go to mass, I walk thru my backyard, cross the street and another half block.<br />I have a marvelous neighbor who cuts my grass, clears the snow and does things that involve a ladder.<br />I am less than 30 minutes from 3 of my daughters.<br />They would like to see me in a one floor situation. Sooner or later, even my stairs will become an issue.<br />At that time, instead of moving, I have a builder cousin who can add a bedroom, bath and laundry for less than another home. And that is what I will do.<br />Beyond that, I accept whatever is necessary. Perhaps that makes me a wuss. perhaps that makes me a wise person.<br />Maybe I fold too easily.<br />When a place in a highrise was available, our mother would not hear of it. When she decided it might be a good idea, the waiting list ws 6/8 years long.<br />But. My cousins were 10 minutes away and I was 20 minutes away, Carl, less that 30.<br />Three years ago I lost 3 cousins in 9 months. They were a sister and 2 brothers.Two were older than I, one younger. One was a widower, the other left a wife behind.<br />She has crawled into shell from which she will not be removed. Except for her sons,one of whom is local, she is in contact with no one. Has a 2 brothers-in-law and 2 sisiters-in-law within 200 feet and never sees any of them.<br />Keeps the drapes closed. The son and daughert-in-law shop for her. Goes nowhere.<br />Some us are a little more stubborn than others.<br />I wish you well.<br />You have a strong family and outstanding family ties. From my observation, none of you is selfish.<br />Lots of love..Mary Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00893528438983997104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-59630790906542672962010-07-14T12:18:33.555-04:002010-07-14T12:18:33.555-04:00From MM:
Mary - I've been in similiar situati...From MM:<br /><br />Mary - I've been in similiar situations with Dennis' mohter and Aunt Gwen. Dennis' mother sold her house, moved into an apt. she hated and when she had to have nursing assistance didn't have the money left for it and ended up in a crappy nursing home. <br />Aunt Gwen on the other hand refused to go inside the retirement communities where we had made appts. to tour and interview. Note the bolded we - I had made the appts because she was living alone, falling and Dennis was rushing over to beat the ambulance. When SHE made up her mind it was time to move, everything went much smoothly, even giving up driving.<br />The problem is there is a very very very thin line between when they should and when they do make the decision. With your mom falling, there may reach a point when it's no longer possible to get into a retirement community with so many falls etc. Also they have each other and you have a larger than many family, friends circle to call on so they don't see the immediate need to make any decisions. <br /> <br />I wish you all the best - it's never an easy situation. I hope I learned something from it so I don't burden Rob when the time comes.Mary Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00893528438983997104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-35071344046537206552010-07-14T11:26:29.747-04:002010-07-14T11:26:29.747-04:00Karen, I think you make a great point - discuss th...Karen, I think you make a great point - discuss these things in your 60's and 70's when you can be a bit more rational. This would also take a lot of worry off the children. It also helps when you have a pension to support a lifestyle in a retirement community. In the states, there are few solutions for those who don't have lots of money.<br /><br />Thanks for your ideas, especially moving the washer and dryer. Some of these we have put in place or have discussed.Mary Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00893528438983997104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-79160590825098206842010-07-14T11:12:48.024-04:002010-07-14T11:12:48.024-04:00An email received from BG:
I think you are doing ...An email received from BG:<br /><br />I think you are doing the right thing by making it possible for them to stay at<br />home. It's great they have loving care support from family. My Aunt didn't<br />have this kind of support and the only answer for her safety was to go to a<br />home. My Mom, also turning 90, is alot like your parents - she wants to remain<br />independent for as long as possible and I will do all I can to support her<br />wishes. Luckily she also has a good support group. I do, however, need to<br />bring up the bracelet idea...thanks for the reminder.<br />XXOO<br />BarbaraMary Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00893528438983997104noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-73505777692419187202010-07-14T08:09:11.305-04:002010-07-14T08:09:11.305-04:00I sent you long email at the address you gave abov...I sent you long email at the address you gave above but it came back from the email 'demon'??Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07310338161281374051noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-63161408441795743662010-07-12T11:46:49.839-04:002010-07-12T11:46:49.839-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Karen Kronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00238728339209666821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3514668970710693849.post-3826609730215624362010-07-12T11:46:36.780-04:002010-07-12T11:46:36.780-04:00Unfortunately, so much is taken away from us as we...Unfortunately, so much is taken away from us as we get older, and so much more seems to be out of our control. My parents were in the same position, let's say my mother. She did not want to move away from the house she had known for 50 yrs and the friends she had grown to love and could walk to their homes, or meet them out her front door! I believe the key is to make those decisions and to downsize well before you HAVE to do so. You are in a much better position in your 60s to make a rational decision than you are in your 80s or 90s. It won't be any less emotional then, but they could still get used to a new routine and maybe even like it.<br />As far as the house, I'm sure you have considered adding a small space on the first floor for a washer and dryer and maybe a handicapped accessible bathroom for the future if needed? It would still cost less in the long run than going into assisted living. Or maybe you could pay an aid to go over once or twice a week to help with wash, cleaning and grocery shopping. If your parents are anything like mine, the ladder won't go over too well, outsider, you know!<br />Well, I could go on and on. As you know, I have a little experience in this area and have some connections as well. If you need more suggestions, or want Rick to look at their house for possible alterations, please let me know. We will be happy to help!!Karen Kronhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00238728339209666821noreply@blogger.com